No beating around the bush. This is fucking hard (excuse my language). For those who are agree that the 2nd pregnancy, high fives to you mama! And for those of you that have been pregnant more than 2x, go grab yourself a bottle of champagne and celebrate your bad-ass-ness.
My first pregnancy was amazing, picture perfect, what every movie should write about! I loved every second of it and felt great pretty much the whole way through. I was lucky to feel so great. And I did everything I could to make myself feel good every day. I thought my 2nd pregnancy was going to be the same exact way. Even when every pregnant mama of 2 or more tells you that each pregnancy was different. I was naive. I had no idea what pregnancy was like with a toddler. I had no idea what it was like when my body had already been there and done that.
The 2nd pregnancy is SO HARD!!!!! I won’t say its been awful but it’s been way more uncomfortable and exhausting than the last one. With no breaks and I could probably count on my hands how many times I got to actually take a nap. My 2.5 year old is not a napper and hasn’t been since just before she turned 2. She goes and goes all day long. (I guess I should have seen that coming! haha). There have been times when I threw on a movie, put a bunch of different snacks on the table and fell asleep right next to her. Lightly fell asleep, but it was what I needed to do to survive my first trimester. You can judge me on that one, but I don’t care. It was what I needed to do.
My body fell right back into pregnancy and quickly. I started showing at 12 weeks and boy did my back feel it! Now I’ve got 3-ish weeks left and only a few hours into my day I fall into tears from stress and being exhausted. Most would never guess that but I like to think I hide it well. I treat labor and delivery like my Olympics. I train for it, I eat for it and I rest for it. Only thing is, I’m missing that rest part! I do what I can, but sometimes it just isn’t in the cards. Even when Evelyn goes to bed I still have to deal with the jiu-jitsu fighter in my belly. It’s not a break, I’ve got giant popcorn kernels popping in my belly. She’s an active one (maybe my fault? haha). She’s damn strong and I love it. But I have to say, OUCH!
Mom guilt, yeah that whole thing has also settled in. I worry about not spending enough quality time with my little girl who is about to become a big sister. She loves to go do stuff. ACTIVE STUFF. Which is so wonderful. But when you have a 30lb+ weight vest permanently attached to the front of your body, the active stuff is hard to do! No climbing in tunnels, I won’t fit. Going down the slide, probably won’t fit in those tubed ones. Gymboree and racing her down the little slide, I might break it (lol, not really but I feel like it). Slides seem to be a theme here. Swimming is GREAT and thank goodness. Strap her in some floaties are let her spin those legs like a little crazy person. She’s a busy girl and I love it. It’s just not a good feeling when you can’t keep up! I’m looking forward to getting my body back just so I can snuggle her into me and read a book and not feel uncomfortable.
But it isn’t just that. I really want to have a great time with her before she isn’t the only child anymore. It won’t be just me and Evelyn anymore. But dammit, I’m slowing down. One day she will understand (probably), but hell that isn’t for 30 more years. Well, 40 if her dad has anything to say about it.
Mama, if you are reading this and struggling with your pregnancy whether it’s your first, second, for 10th. You are not alone! Holy pregnancy pains, you are most definitely not alone. Find a tribe and love them hard. My rock has been Monday nights teaching Fit4Baby! They have no idea how just being around other preggo Mamas and helping them feel empowered has made me feel empowered. You ladies rock! And I thank you from the bottom of my heart for joining me.
So what am I going to do? Well. What I can. Sometimes you just have to pull up your depends and deal with it. Find your escapes, find your breaks and embrace it. Also find a song that makes me you feel like a real gangsta-mama. You know, the one that makes you feel like a real bad mama jamma who looks like she’s ready to bust a serious move. In my case, a move Elaine from Seinfeld would bust out. I’m that good. My current song: Glorious by Macklemore. Go listen.
So in the end, Pregnancy, I love you. I hate you. I’ll miss you. But I’m also done. Ready to bring this little baby girl into the world and have her join in on the awesome chaos.